So mid rant today, I realized that I am simply trying to survive right now. When did the holiday become about survival for me? I love all things Christmas- those who have been at my house can attest to the amount of decorations I have up.... but this year it seems like I am just trying to get through without murdering anyone.
My children are adorable this year. They are SO EXCITED. We watch Christmas movies and PVR'd shows all day; they count down with the advent calendar (plural becuse they have multiple calendars of course eye roll); everytime they see lights on a house they freak out. I am not excited. I AM excited for them to get their presents but meh otherwise.
What happens when we get old? It just becomes more stuff to do. More on my list, more lists even. Oh shit I forgot to get something for this person or Godddamn it I don't have the right size gift bag for that present. More shit.
SIGH. The family dramas seem more prevalent every year. I asked some of my clients this morning and they agreed that playing peacemaker was just one more thing women had to do. I find that job leaks so much of my joy and I am not sure how to eliminate it.
Maybe I have been watching too many holiday specials and I am waiting for that magical moment when I am overwhelmed with the holiday spirit. In years past I have always been emotional and introspective but this year I feel like everyone can go F themselves and I am sick of their shit. Lol very festive.
I will consciously try to be better from today on. No more holiday rants... no more bitching about Purolator being late because it is what it is. No one will die if they don't get a card from us until the 30th. Santa will still come, the kids will still get to spend time with family. People will continue to ignore my wish to tone down the monetary value of presents for my kids- but if that is my greatest complaint this year, I am very fortunate. The simple fact that I get to choose to purchase less for my kids makes me a very lucky person. Not everyone has that choice.
SO Merry Christmas all 2 people who will read this. May you be intentional in all things; enjoy the simple pleasures (like gravy and loved ones but not gravy on loved ones), and may you have a quiet moment in which to sit in peace.
