When I bring my attention it it, my stomach flips and my legs feel shaky. My Brain is going in all different directions and then In none and I just stare blankly. I am broken.
I am smart and self aware enough to identify about what I should do when I feel this way.
I should exercise.
I should call a friend for company.
I should get off my couch and do something. Do anything.
I don’t want to do anything unless its time with the people who’s absence is linked to my brokenness.
I need to put my pieces back. If I’ve learned anything in my multitude of life mistakes, I’ve learned that no one else will or should put you back together. This time I feel like there are big pieces missing though, and even if I do someday suck it up and put them back, there will be a hole.
I will find a way to fake it. It does not come naturally to me to fake anything and it takes an exhaustive amount of work on my part, but I will. Not because I’m trying to be tough or trying to pretend the emotions aren’t there, but because I have to. Fake it till you make it.
