Thursday?

I have lost track of what day it is, but I am pretty sure it's Thursday. This week has been a haze of work, work, yoga, baby's birthday and pain. Stupid rib- I have decided I slipped a rib (good old Dr. Googles helped me diagnose it) since it happens every few weeks. It fucking hurts. Sorry for the vulgarity- oh no wait, I'm actually not. ;)

My friend posted this pic on her FB page (Recharged:Fueling your life with food and fitness- go like it). It's funny because it goes along the same lines as my thought patterns for the past few days. Today's blog will be a little less ranty/ angry since I feel more mellow and introspective. Hormones.
I realized yesterday that every single morning I get up, pee, strip down to shower and evaluate. Before I brush my teeth, eat breakfast or even speak to anyone- I have already evaluated my self worth for the day. This week has been particiularly bad because it's the week before the Flo and I have been eating everything in sight, which translates to bloat in the morning. I have been eating clean but too much clean which is still not good.
So if I think my belly is poochy I determine I suck and need to tighten up the diet. I begin to beat myself up about doing more cardio (even though logically I know I am taking a scheduled break from cardio and I have zero time). I start to compare back to a time when I looked better or leaner. All this happens in less than the time I take to shower and at 5am. Now really, at 5 am I should have one thought- COFFEE- but on it continues.
This morning as I got dressed and made my coffee, I continued the list in my head of things I was lacking at or needed to do. I started to get a little panicky and overwhelmed... so I wrote some stuff down and just tried to breathe and let the rest go....
Yoga helped. I did my practice at the studio before my 6 am client.
Maybe now that I am hyper aware of this, I can work on it. Ugh. One more thing to work on. I sometimes wish I was less self aware and could just BE. Fixing oneself is difficult and overwhelming.

I want a latte. And a chiro appt. I don't think I will get either today. Le Sigh.