I should be practicing my sequence. I should be studying my nutrition text OR my group instructor text OR any multitude of texts laying around. Instead I am wrestling with all the distracted thoughts in my head. I am attempting to write out my intro sequence for yoga on friday- teaching the other teachers. Always scary. I can't focus... my instructor says it's called trying to cage the monkey. The more you try to force all the thoughts away into a cage, the more he fights.
My brain is a tired monkey today.
I had a massage last night. The whole hour I thought about where I would go back to to redo my life if I could. I wasted the whole hour thinking about that- like it was actually possible. I thought about events and specific years and what I would redo and what I wouldn't.... like someone was actually going to come make me decide. I could have relaxed- well not really considering how hard and awesomely she was elbow deep in my shoulder OW- but I could have thought of something constructive. Or thought of nothing at all and given my crazy mind a break.... but nope. I think about that for an hour. And still don't have an answer if one were ever necessary (just in case a Disney fairy is waiting in the background).
Sigh. I am overtired. I recognize that. I also recognize that I am filling waking hours with busy-ness to avoid dealing with things I don't/ can't deal with. I may be a lot of things, but I think I am pretty self aware. And tired. Self aware and tired. I hope the baby sleeps tonight, and I hope I don't lose my voice completely for tomorrow. It's hard to bust people's asses in a cardio class with no voice... I am sure there are people who wouldn't be too sorry. lol. It'll be a super awesome Valentines Day of work, clients and classes.
Oh and I picked a puppy name. He comes on the 25th <3
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