Gratitude

I am not a person to whom gratitude comes easily. I am a bit of a spoiled brat. I have high expectations of people and events and have been consistently disappointed when things don't happen as I hope they would. It is my own issue, I recognize and one I am working on.
However... this past year I have been growing in my gratitude. I felt this was a good topic to explore today with the whole holiday season deal going on. Also notice I use the word greatful not blessed.

I am randomly hit with these huge feelings of gratefulness. They are pretty random- today was driving away from the grocery store to pick up my kids. All at once I felt so grateful for my warm vehicle (mostly seat warmer really- if you haven't had a toasty ass seat warmer you are truly missing out), for my bootcampers in class today, for the groceries I just bought without freaking out if I had enough money to pay for them.... for the day with my children that stretched out in front of me. I honestly wanted to cry at how much I love my life and feel so grateful to have it. If you know me IRL, you are probably wondering wtf... is this Cara? Are you bleeding from the uterus?
Yeah I don't mention it to many people because I am not one of those Hallmark card people. I do hope I am somewhat inspiring or encouraging as I would suck balls at my job if I wasn't, but I am certainly not a soft squishy hug the world kind of person.
Anyways, my gratitude. I remember years ago trying to do a gratitude journal. Oprah said we should, so I did. Sometimes it's nice to not have to think for yourself. I remember STRUGGLING with it. My life was so far from what I wanted how the shit was I supposed to ooze all this positivity?
 My husband and I had a discussion about it last week. I thought it would fade after the tough months earlier this year. I thought these fuzzy wonderful feelings would leave and I would start to take all my shit for granted again- and don't get me wrong there are spoiled asshole days. There are days where I stomp my feet and want to run away from my children and wonder how easy life would be to start over with someone else..... Everyone has those days, and if they say they don't they are clearly selling something.
We talked about intentional gratitude. Fake it till you make it. My husband is one of those people for sure- he is very intentional about it. He has to be. It doesn't make it any less meaningful- it actually makes it worth more when it comes. To use a fitness analogy (because I always freaking do lol), I respect the client who has to work their balls off to lose a few lbs, to lift a bit more, to run a bit further MORE than the client who is a natural athlete. I respect people who do things they initially suck at.

So today I had this overwhelming feeling of gratitude in the car. Then came home, made cookies that went flat and my big little woke up my little little because he can't shhhhhh for an hour and GD WalMart photo centre wouldn't upload my GD family pics for Christmas cards and I wanted to pull my hairs out. Then I looked at both my littles coloring (on the GD kitchen table not the coloring books but whatever) and it all came back. Life is pretty effing great.

*Footnote- don't tell my husband I ordered photos from WalMart. I don't want to hear the rant about evil corporations today- I just want to hold onto my good vibes a little longer ;)