I meant to blog about this on the weekend but got distracted. Distracted by food mostly.
If you follow me on Instagram, you would have seen the giant glass of wine I posted on Friday. Yes. Whole30 turned into Whole14. I was done. So I had two glasses of wine (BIG ass glasses) and some chicken wings. I don't feel bad. I made a conscious decision to quit.
I am not weak. I did not fail. Quitting is not always a negative thing.
For me, continuing would have gone bad. I could try to explain my complicated reasons, but I will break it down to control.
My need for control has ruled and dictated much of my life. Like many people, it served me in my profession and didn't in my relationships. When I found yoga, I found the beauty in letting go. When my husband shares lessons from AA, I learn more. I struggle all the time with falling into old patterns and will likely do so for the rest of my life....
Food control is a scary place for me. I have been down that road, and it's a dark one for me.
Obsessive thoughts about cinnamon buns and shit I don't even like; negative to the point of abusive self talk; binging and purging... it was a long time ago but apparently not long enough.
I generally eat well. I measure food and weigh to check portions- not all the time but frequently. I can go with or without the food scale and not freak. I can choose to eat a salad at a restaurant or choose to eat a burger and have limited guilt.
This Whole30 thinger brought back some memories of bad places. Some obsessive type thoughts... and it was only 14 days. I think it was the structure. The being told it WAS NOT ALLOWED. So far the only thing I have added into my daily meals is oats and one serving of rice but the thought patterns have changed immensely. Who knows why the brain works the way it does? All I know is, I was scared so I stopped.
Also I noticed zero improvement in pain levels. Perhaps because it was only 14 days who knows. I need to find another way.
I DID notice that less booze equals less water retention. Imagine (insert DUH you dumb shit meme here and big teenager type eye roll).
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