Modelling

... positive behaviours I mean. Not the heroin-hollow cheeked fashion kind.

I started regularly training a stroller class. It has its drawbacks- screaming kids running all over make for interesting program planning and a lot of yelling on my part. The moms often lose focus and wander off throughout the workout because a kid barfed or has to pee or is screaming for whatever reason. If I keep the majority of their attention up to the stretching part, I consider it a success. I figure many of them are just trying to stay alive somedays, so stretching may not be high on their list of things to do.

The part I LOVE about stroller class is that the kids are there. Not that they are kicking over my hurdles or running in the way or leaving their damn crackers on the floor, but that they are watching their moms. Consciously or not, they see their moms making an effort. They see them work and sweat and get red faced and struggle.... and keep going. I remember my mom weighing food. And dieting. And hating how she looked. I NEVER remember my mom working out. She tries now, but her health has declined so much that it makes it difficult to function some days never mind start working out. Trust me, I have harassed her. If and when she is ready she will. If not, she won't.
I didn't work out until I was in University. I certainly never ran on purpose. The guy I was dating was a gym rat and insisted on showing me how to workout. I really liked him (entirely too much in retrospect but it all turned out in the end and I still thank him for showing me the way) so I did it. I learned how to lift etc and now it's all history.
I wish I had the background in fitness before that. I wish that I was exposed to physical activity as something to do beyond phys ed in school. All I can do now is show my kids. My son asked me a couple days ago why I don't do mud runs anymore. I laughed and said because it's cold and now Mommy runs inside... next summer I'll do some more. He thinks its hilarious that I get dirty on purpose- I guess he does have a point.

I made this last night- other than spilling in too many red pepper flakes, it was lovely. Greek yogurt instead of sour cream, less cheese= goodness.
Spaghetti Squash Au Gratin
Tastes like Hash Brown Casserole without all the calories and carbs

1 medium spaghetti squash...
2 tablespoons butter
1 small yellow onion, cut in half and very thinly sliced
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes, or more if you like it spicy
1 teaspoon fresh thyme
½ cup sour cream
½ cup shredded cheddar cheese

Cut the spaghetti squash in half and remove the seeds. Place in a covered dish with a ¼ inch of water and microwave for 10 -12 minutes. In a medium sized skillet over medium heat, add the butter, onions, red pepper and thyme and cook until the onions are slightly brown in color. Salt and pepper to taste.
Using a fork, scrape the insides of the squash and transfer to a small bowl. Combine the squash, onions, sour cream and half the cheese together and mix well. Transfer the mixture to a buttered baking dish and top with remaining cheese.
Place into a 375º for 15 – 20 minutes until golden brown on top

Having more by having less

-this is kind of redundant from my post todya, but I wrote it last week and forgot to post lol. Enjoy my redundancy.


We are moving. Well, maybe. If we can ever find a house that isn't a shithole or horribly overpriced or 900 square feet. I do want to downsize, but I also don't want to hear every time someone farts anywhere in my house.
It seems that our move is tough to understand for some people. No, there isn't anything wrong with our house- other than its covered in oak. It is a nice house. It's also a huGe house in a fancy neighborhood.... And we want more. By more I don't mean bigger or fancier or shinier. By more I mean more family time. More closeness. More memories. LESS mortgage, less cleaning, less bills. I am quitting my full time child care gig.... Because it makes my whole family crazy. I gave up teaching to raise my own kids but half the time I'm too stressed and busy to pay them half the attention I'd like.
Anyways, the point of our move is to simplify. Ive been asked numerous times how we will get back into a huge fancy house- who says we want to? I am so freaking tired of chasing the "dream". Having to have better, shinier, newer bullshit. It's all bullshit. I'm working my balls off for what? To get more debt? It's so ridiculous and no one steps back to see it.
After all we've been through this year, all that I want is family time. Simple. A long counter that I can bake on and can pickles and other bullshit my kids will hate growing up but look back on when they're grown ups. A backyard big enough for their swings and a garden. A basement for my husband to watch sports in because let's be honest- we aren't going to live like Hutterites or those creepy couples who spend 100% of their time together.

Transitions

I always feel September is my new year. January is overrated. Maybe I was in school for too long, between my own education and then teaching, but September is truly my favorite time of year. The leaves may be falling, and the flowers in my pots are looking sad (that may also be because I am tired of taking care of them and am completely neglectful by this point) but for me it's a time for growth and transitions.
I haven't started a new workout program or diet or anything like that. This year my big baby went to preschool, which was enough change for me this month. This year has been all about change for me- both literal and figurative. So many changes both in myself and my husband, it's a wonder how we even had conversations before. Oh right.... we rarely did.
 It seems the transitions will continue as we look for a house to downsize to.
One of the changes for me has been NOT freaking out about finding this new house. Nor do I care to explain to the non-believers (and they are many). There is nothing 'wrong' with our house. It is lovely. It is huge. That is one of the biggest issues- how do we teach our children about the evils of materialism when we live in an enormous house beside fancy people? Plus our family needs a new start, in a more modest, affordable home. Many just don't understand, and I just no longer care.
I'm almost 35 fucking years old. Why do I need to justify my choices to anyone? Oh right- I don't.
I don't know if it's my personality or my gender, but I instinctively feel a need to justify and explain to others. I hate that. I HATE that it matters if people think we are making a smart choice or if they secretly talk about how crazy I am behind my back. One of my favorite pins says that they will judge you anyways so you might as well do what you want.

I am a little freaked out myself about all this transition. I am so often reassuring my husband that I don't get to focus on my own worries. Are we making a mistake? Is giving up my full time job the right decision? Are we digging a hole? Ugh. At some point though, we will just have to jump in. Do or do not, there is no try.
It's just money anyways.

3 in one week WTF!!

It is rare I get one blog up consistently per week never mind 3. Goddamn I have a lot to say lately!!

This morning I got a text from someone I greatly admire, professionally and personally. This lady has it all- she is kind, beautiful, works her ass off and is generally interested in learning all she can to better herself (which to me is one of the greatest qualities one can posses). I am fortunate to call her a friend- I hope lol. She has opened up to me more in the last few months and shocker- she's not perfect. But insightful and amazing and I love her even more for her little nuances/ flaws.

Jesus Christ it sounds like I want to switch teams for her. Maybe... jk. Really it's not a lady crush- she's too clean cut for that and I only get lady crushes on dirtier girls. Angelina not Jennifer.

I digress. As usual.
So this text this morning was about how much ass she kicked at the race this past weekend. I sucked big hairy donkey balls, but that is a whole nother blog post. She rocked it. I wasn't surprised, but she was. THAT surprised me.
She said that she often puts others up on a pedestal and doesn't realize what she herself is capable of. I have seen this chick workout. You could tell me she climbed up a building like Spiderman and I probably wouldn't question it. It just brought me back to my last rambly post about compliments and how we just don't take them. We just don't see how fucking awesome we are.

Then I thought if SHE doesn't get how amazing she is- and I think the world of her- WTF chance do I have of changing my own thinking? BLARG and the cycle starts again.....

Lol. My point is that you are amazing. That is all.

At a loss....

Sometimes, believe it or not, I don't know what to say.

One of my many personal growth goals this year has been to slow down the babble that spews forth from my mouth. I have a big mouth. I am loud and sometimes a complete asshole. I am less sarcastic than I was when I was young, but my automatic reactions are sarcasm and general dickhead remarks. My husband shares this trait.
Because of this, I am sometimes at a loss of what to say. I bite back the immediate response and then wtf? I worry that I have become kind of a shitty friend because of it....

I ended last post with a sentence about the place where change happens. I am not a fucking expert in anything- not even my own life- but I DO know something about change. I can't divulge too many details, as we have agreed on a "tighter locker room" to make our marriage work and I have a big fucking mouth, but I can use my marriage as an example. It sucked. sucked big donkey balls. For a variety of reasons, a lot of stress and a lot of bad bad communication and pouty bitch behaviour. It was no ones fault that it almost ended. I say almost but really, it ended. Far before he left.
We have both changed so fucking much it's almost unbelieveable. And it was work. A shitload of work. Some days I woke up thinking "Fuck this. This is too hard. It's so much easier to start over". Maybe it would've been. Maybe I would've taken my shit to the new relationship and fucked that up too. Who knows. Us working on our relationship wasn't a popular decision with the people in our lives- but fuck it. What is that saying that no matter what you do someone will judge you, so do what you want anyways? Yeah- that.
My point- and I do have one- is change is fucking hard. I do believe it's possible now, and I never did before. But to accomplish it, you NEED to move out of your comfort zone. You can take this to mean fitness, or work, or relationship or whatever you need to apply in your life- but either way you need to be uncomfortable. We are so busy trying to avoid DIScomfort that we become so lazy and so dissatisfied.... yet so unwilling and scared to make the change.

Do it. Stop wasting your life. It makes me sad.

Empowerment

I wrote this a few days ago and forgot to post! Dammit.

I'm feeling a more positive and less ranty post today.

One of my lovely friends sent me a picture of her super cute new yoga pants today. She was pretty excited to get them, and despite having surgery and being pumped full of IV fluids last week, fit into them. They are not forgiving pants- I have them in a variety of colors because I am a yoga pant whore. The text immediately after the pic was, as usual, explaining to me why she looked so shitty (which she didn't at all) and talking about losing more weight.
Sigh. I hate this.

I do it myself. I know it. Someone compliment something and my first instinct is to downplay it; "Oh no, this old thing?" or "If I only did more cardio/ kept my booze intake under control/ didn't have hips created for birthing this would look soooooo much better blahblahblah". The ladies in my classes do it all the time. I try to focus on strength compliments or how far they've come performance wise- after all shouldn't that be the focus? The physical appearance will come if you focus on gains in the gym and eating clean most of the time.
I did however, specifically tell a girl how fabulous she looked the other day. She beamed. Like sunshine and rainbows shooting out her ass she was so pumped that someone noticed. I've told her how strong she is before, and while it was well received... not like this.

Anyways, as usual I digress. My point today is about empowerment. Other than changing the focus of our society so we grow up NOT thinking we have to diminish our accomplishments (which I can't do because although awesome, I am only one person), how do we counteract this? I know scores of amazing women- big, small, moms, childless, career, home.... most of of them have in common the fact that they will react with an immediate diminishing comment when you compliment them. WTF.
Why do we as women tear each other down instead of building each other up? Why is it a seemingly natural reaction to say something nasty about the lady wearing a bikini when it's really my lack of self confidence to wear one too? Pointing her out doesn't make me look better, or make my karma better- it makes me look like an asshole.
So my conscious decision is to build them up. I slip sometimes of course. Yesterday at the Spartan race I felt conscious of wearing shorts (which is weird because my legs were covered in mud and no one gives one shit what I am wearing but me) but every damn time I wear shorts I feel like there is a spotlight on my ghost white legs. I made a comment about a lady running in just a sports bra. I am insecure so I make a comment about someone who clearly isn't? I felt like a huge DB.
So I wear shorts. ALL THE DAMN TIME. I don't know how else to overcome something. I tell my yoga students to push the limits of their comfort zone- outside of comfort is where we make change.

Miracle Treat Day?

I've ranted about this before in real life, so now it's time to type it out.
It's DQ Miracle Treat day. Like McDonald's happy day and Tim Hortons Camp Day, it is yet another day where a restaurant will donate part of the profits of a certain item sold. When the fuck is Apple Day? Save a Kid with a Salad Day?
It bugs me. Not because I hate charity and hate poor children who can't afford camp and it's not like my heart doesn't ache for sick children and their families. Because it's a fucked up marketing tool used by companies to sell more product using my emotions.

If you want a goddamn blizzard, then eat one. Don't justify it by thinking you are saving a sick child. If you want to actually help a sick child, donate the money directly to the cause (where my husband would say a large percentage of your donation would go to some asshole beaurocrat taking a huge salary but I digress). It's just another way to justify eating like shit. Hmmmm it's ok to intake a few hundred more calories.... OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Eat a Blizzard. Eat a Big Mac. Eat a donut- but as a conscious decision and a planned treat (ok, I take it back. Don't ever eat a Big Mac. Eat a delicious burger that actually has some nutritional value and meat in it). Don't justify food or straying off plan by thinking you are saving the world. Become a Big Brother or Big Sister and take that kid out to play soccer. That's making a difference. Take the money you'd spend on the treats for the family and send it directly to the Stollery- then go down to the local ice cream shop and get a cone for $1. Support local, feel good and get a treat. Win win.

- I realize this wasn't particularly well worded or spelled, but I have two babies pulling on my leg right now, so that's the best I got-
:)