Jack of all Trades..... Master of None

I have been thinking about this blog topic for a while. That doesn't mean it will be cohesive or well thought out, so don't expect too much. That means it applies in so many areas that didn't occur to me.

I had a friend and person I respect immensely in the industry say to me years ago that a certain girl we knew with 3 jobs was a Jack of all Trades, Master of None. I have thought of that exchange a few times over the years as I switch focus and switch careers. I know trainers who collect certs like baseball cards (mostly because they are so freaking easy to get) and yet are sorely lacking in most, if not all, areas of 'expertise'. I decided long ago that would not be me. I would not fake interest in something to make money, to get more classes or get more clients.

A few weeks ago in our counselling session, my husband mentioned that I was doing too much and he wanted me to cut out some clients and focus more on our family. (yes we go to counselling to work on our family and marriage and I have no issues publically discussing it. I LOVE counselling. Without it, we would be long ago divorced and hating each other). Anyways, my immediate response was Fuck YOU I CAN do it all!!! I have learned through counselling that in general my immediate responses suck. Fortunately, I usually don't verbalize those lol. I thought about it for days. He was right. WTF. He is never right...... shit. What else was he right about? I reflected back on the Jack of All Trades thing. Is that what I was doing? Trying to be mother, wife, trainer, group instructor, yogi, child care provider, friend, daughter etc..... Holy shit. In trying to do everything, I was doing nothing well.
To admit that still hurts my pride a little. I have always been a do-it all kinda person. I make shit from scratch. My kids didn't eat store bought bread at home until last year. I work a LOT. I have all these standards that need to be met. If someone needs me, I am there in one millisecond. But my family was falling apart. I spent the whole day with my kids, but I was never really WITH my kids. Sigh. Fuck. I suck at life.

I've started to say no. I am not good at it. I cut back my pt clients (but really, no one wants to train in the summer anyways lol). I am cutting back my full time job and as he says "just working on being a happy person, mom and wife". I thought about running a half marathon. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO RUN THAT MUCH???? I hate running. No, I hate running forever. I like running for a few kms... then I can picture my muscle burning off, and I have too little to lose these days. Why do I have to do a marathon? I do NOT have to do everything. The things I do, I want to do kickass. Not halfway. Doing less does not make me less. Doing less makes me more- more me. More happy. More able to do the things that are important to me..... and in the end isn't that what I will look back on and be greatful for?
As always, it's about balance.